Shea, I have had the cable bills higher than my most manic high, but I guess having my mother as hard as cement, the one thing Amazon won’t sell, “because it’s too expensive to ship,” the CEO joked, and my father who was passed out reeking of a smell I hated as a child, but never noticed when I turned 21, I suppose that when I got the smell out of my system, and back to taking my medications, how they are supposed to be, I had to learn to shut out the two people who showed me the least when they shoud have been the two who showed me the most. But with as little heart I got from them, I hung onto it.  And yeah it’s rotten-of THEM, Shea.

The people who hurt you only are showing what rot is in their souls.  But your Mama is so kind, so loving, and giving of herself-she had her heart beating in your chest too.  And your daddy only wanted to protect his girls….  But that thief was waiting out there to steal what was not yet to be his, sometimes he does outwit God even and takes what belongs only to God.  And he steals what is most beautiful and pure in spirit.

That is why you may have suffered so, and at the one moment when in this dance of life–he stuck his hand in, and stole your mother’s heart.  It still beats, but to her, I know it feels empty.  But her heart is still alive–it is in her now, and I get up every day, hoping the phone to ring, that while we can’t find the missing part of her soul that dies with even the coldest heart when a mama loses her baby, one who created someone so beautiful, someone I think was TOO beautiful for this world–maybe that is why that bird your daddy couldn’t fix, will perhaps one day reawaken from such a long slumber, and learn to help us, in this storm of this first year, when your mama counts the seconds without you, she can  sing of her memories of you as the storm is finishhed, and the sun shines on her once again.  I wait every time we talk to heal the healing laughter, a belly laugh-so what if it takes a nasty letter to “Michelle Obama.”

Or a lift in her voice.  I know your daddy misses you too, and knows your fragile soul got caught in a storm that carried you up to the highest place anyone could go: to heaven with God.  Maybe now that bird you and he gave back to God, cuz she was “like most birds,” as a Daddy tells his precious baby, “They are on loan…birds are too fragile for this world.  Although missing their baby daughter so much, maybe together, they can have that bird will awaken, and  sing for her, I hope and pray to God she does (did you know, Shea, only a rare female bird carries such a beautiful song?)  Just a secret!!

I hope you can whisper in His ear to raise some sunshine in your Mama’s heart.  To warm her up, like a soft blanket,  You are the salt of God’s earth, Shea… someone who takes advantage of anyone, let alone someone who opens their door and says “I love you” or even “I trust you.”  Those have never proven, because they can’t.  You are what you came from: pure love.  That is so rare that so many don’t know what to do with it-but your mama did.  And so did your daddy too, I think.  But let’s raise some sun on your mama, but if the rest of the world did not know what to do with someone so pure at are and purely full of love, you had your mama.  I thank God for the calm.


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